Are you a groupie??

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From groupies to video girls, and frantic teenyboppers the world over it's quite clear what the general feeling amongst the fairer sex is when it comes to male musicians. Get with them or get at them! Whether that desire manifests itself as sleeping with any decent or otherwise looking male who can hold a note, play with wood, set off some keys, or simply knowing that a piece of garment that once caressed your most intimate parts is now laying beneath the feet of a Justin Timberlake, Frank Ocean, or perhaps even a Marilyn Manson (if you fancy yourself a psychotic intellectual, hopefully after whacking him in the face) one thing remains true in either scenario: if it hasn't spread across social media like an uncontrollable STD, it probably never really happened. In fact, perhaps more important than the act itself, is the reactions you receive from your inner and outer circles because what's validation without a little positive reinforcement and a lot of vicious commentary. And let’s face it, when it comes to Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for most people it’s about numbers, not people you could actually maintain a face to face conversation with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=njdvZR5R8qg#at=13

From Beatle Mania to Bieber Fever, to the currently relevant boys from One Direction and of course the late Michael Jackson, you need not look far to come to the frightening conclusion that we females tend to have an overwhelming tendency towards hysterically obsessive behavior when it comes to boy bands and male musicians. With no exception of ‘The Gays’, who do tend to exhibit similar manic behaviors when it comes to artists like lady Gaga, Madonna and the queen bee Beyonce. I think it’s safe to say that the majority of men don’t obsess over female artists quite so dramatically, however, if I may draw a completely preposterous, seemingly unconnected and admittedly ludicrous comparison, can it be said that while females have their psychotic and unexplainable debilitating emotional and physical responses to their favorite male musicians, men have their own compulsive and insatiable desire for… porn films and the women who star in them? And while it is acceptable for females to worship their male crushes in public, males must hide their desires behind closed doors, hunched, curled or bent over a computer screen, forced to express their passion in secret for fear of shame and ridicule? We all have our vices right? ggw In addition, because nothing we females do is half-assed, we've managed to create different classes of female fan hysteria. There is the Video girl or recently coined ‘bad b*tch’ which will usually accompany the successful rapper, athlete and in some cases well known comedians. The groupie variety, which you can find in the audience of most rock concerts, somehow making their way backstage, in the backseat of limos, in tour buses, or patiently and shamelessly stalking their male prize. And then there’s my personal favorite, the hysterical teeny bopper, which often consists of crazed preteens who've barely made it past puberty but insist they know all there is to know about love and relationships because when the boys of One Direction tell her she ‘doesn't know how beautiful she is’ she doesn't feel the need to paint her face with mommy’s makeup. But the only way she knows to express her love for Justin Bieber is to simply scream louder than the brace face, jumping up and down, and frantically waving her arms around next to her. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=AdGYXOg50Vc#at=55 But what is it about ‘guy who can sing good’ that possess women so aggressively, often causing them to faint from being so intensely overwhelmed with joy and emotion? Or simply losing their shit so uncontrollably that they need to be carried off kicking, screaming, and crying by two or three male security guards twice their size. Or perhaps the most ridiculous, gathering in hoards of unimaginable numbers with the sole purpose of catching their male prey as he’s leaving a venue and chasing him down on foot until they lose sight of his car; not unlike the unexplainable way a dog will chase down any moving car that crosses its path. I don’t believe when 13 year old Emily goes to the Justin Bieber concert, she makes the conscious decision to scream so loud her eyeballs burst, or cry so aggressively you’d think her beloved pet dog just died, or become so territorial and animalistic. It just happens. Something takes over her; she becomes possessed with so much excitement and emotion that Emily is no longer responsible for her own actions. You may as well blame Bieber himself. Who knows maybe this is all a part of some sick and twisted plot. Set into motion by the males to keep us females from attaining our rightful place atop the food chain.

Remember back in the 19th century when ‘female hysteria’ was a common diagnosis that was said to affect nearly a quarter of all women. Women considered to be suffering from it exhibited a wide array of symptoms including faintness, nervousness, sexual desire, insomnia, and fluid retention, heaviness in the abdomen, muscle spasm, shortness of breath, irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, and a tendency to cause trouble. Treatments ranged from vaginal water massages to a lobotomy. Crazy right? At any rate, what I do know is this, if I ever meet John Mayer, Pharrell, David Bowie or Idris Elba (to name a few) in person, I might just lose my shit!

In and Out,

Babs