Rappers That Piss Me Off - 1st EDITION

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Welcome, welcome. It's been a while since we had a laugh cus you know - we was busy talking about the police killing people and stuff.

Let's just get straight to the point and talk about why these rappers piss me off (though the reasons are more bottomless than a white girl named Becky).

GUCCI MANE

I don't... like you. I never liked you. Will I go so far to say I hate you? No. I hate things with much more significance (i.e. the illegal occupation of Palestine).

But you do piss me off. Your face. Your clothes. The gradient of your arm hair. The air you breathe is a damn shame and trees cry knowing they fuel the fuckery for which you stand for with your sloth like posture.

Gucci shareholders are plotting ways to kill you because you have successfully depreciated the brand. Your jewelry looks like it came out of life size Polly Pocket. You have an ice cream cone on your face – you soft serve swirl of obesity. Maybe you thought Baskin Robins would pay you royalties for your feature flavour: pudgy fudgy.

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Always with that dumbass look on your face like you don’t know what’s happening - like you don’t know why your ass is getting arrested.

If it wasn’t for the less financially fortunate versions of yourself that are trolling around in a hood near you, no one would sign or record with you.

All of your socks would be dirty and hang loosely on the edges of your ninja turtle feet.

BURR… BURR BURR -  BURY YOURSELF.

IGGY AZALEA

First off, you shouldn’t even be here because you’re not a rapper. You are cheese. The processed kind that your momma tells you not to eat.

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The one that blows up in the microwave after like 3 seconds. Why the comparison to a Kraft single? Because you’re a basic b*tch.

Your bum is a thing and I get it. Becky and some next girl have been talking all about it. Your music is also a thing for some reason and so is White Privilege. White Privilege is also a thing:

"Tire marks, tire marks, finish line with the fire marks,When it really starts I'm a runaway slave... master, Shitting on the past gotta spit it like a pastor" – D.R.U.G.S. lyrics

The KKK themselves couldn’t even come up with this shit. How about 140 characters or less to just zero.  And no photo. You will be an egg.

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NEXT RAPPER PLEASE.

DJ KHALED

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So you always out here yelling “DJ Khaled!”

You don’t have to tell us twice. We could hear you breathing heavily. There is no need to be shouting your own name like a Pokemon.

“We da best!”  Who is ‘we’? You mean like… all of you? Your self-proclaimed ‘best’, is a bit boastful… You might be the worst at almost everything you do. But here are some things that you do really well:

1) Thinking your shoe is a phone

2) Covering your face with your hamburger hand

3) Carrying around wads of cash in duffle bags that should be holding gym clothes

Speaking of holding…

Most recently DJ Khaled, you have blown us all away with your fuck-boy music video for a song you ultimately ruined: “Hold You Down.”

As Becky would say, “I can’t even”. While you’re trying to hold her down, she’s trying not to throw up.

“You smart. You loyal. Buy your family a house… SAY MY NAME”  This ain’t a game of monopoly you 88. Take the crayons out your nose.

You need to stop and thank the mighty Allah that your ass didn’t have to live a life of crime cus you can’t run for shit.

This concludes the 1st Edition of Rappers That Piss Me Off.You cannot get this time back. Thank you.

 

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