Hello again and welcome to round 2. *Sylvestor Stallone shouts “Adriiiiiiaan!”*


In the blue corner, weighing in at 900 pounds…......

Rick Ross

Stop showing us your boobs. I feel like your nipples are looking at me and they’re really angry about who they got stuck with.

You take assisted showers and your bowel movements make tsunamis in toilets. Your ankles are extinct and no one tried saving them.

Your fat ass got the whole galaxy out of orbit. Planets no longer rotate around the sun. They rotate around RICK ROSS.


But you are not just on this list because you bleed Crisco.

You... Are a poser.

Because the real ‘Rick Ross’ got out of prison in 2009.

Fat-ass Rick Ross stole his name, street cred, and drug glory from ‘The Real Rick Ross’ AKA ‘Freeway’.

Freeway served 13 years in prison for I don’t know… selling several metric tons of cocaine and grossing over $900 million in the 80’s (That’s $2.5 billion in present day $).

CIA, Iran-Contra… the real American Gangster. (He’s a good guy now btw)

Then along comes this underwear-eating, chocolate Flubber, correctional officer by the name of William Roberts who swagger jacks Rick Ross and blocks the sunshine.


Rick Ross U.O.E.N.O. lyrics:

Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it

Okay so that’s rape. But, I guess that’s the Ricky Rozay way because we know he can’t physically chase the girl… “UGHHH”

She would have enough time to stop for a sandwich, play a game of chess in the park, meditate, find God, and run into Cheryl who just goes on and on and on…


After two seizures and two titties, you decided to put your fat ass on a diet.

And now that you’re not eating deep fried mars bars hourly…. “I eat pears now and shit like that… Shout out to all the pear.” (he said ‘pear’ - not ‘pears’)

Mothafucka you are a pear.

Your voice was trembling worse than your knees when you stand up after dinner.

“FINISH HIM!” (Mortal Kombat)

Your shortness of breath could get shorter.


In the red corner, with overdue child support notices raining down like hundred dollar bills in the club…

French Montana

"Haaaaaaaaaaaan" bout you shut the f*ck up.

Now French has been training hard to be on my list – working on his man boobs, neglecting his son, struggling to keep up with the slowest of the Kardashians.

It hurts me to strike my fellow Ay-rab, but you leave me with no choice.

Celebrities Visit SiriusXM Studios - March 4, 2013

You couldn’t articulate your words if you were at gunpoint. It takes you damn near 20 minutes to ask what the sub of the day is at Subway.

I’m not sure if you being slow has anything to do with getting shot in the head, but I’m almost sure it’s why you think a stack of money is a phone.

When you smile, I could slap two humps on your back and start charging for camel rides. Deron Williams googles your hairline so he can sleep at night.


Also. Remember your son? You have the nerve to go on about how your dad left, but you didn't show up to little homie's graduation?!

Damn French.

And then your ex-wife had to take you to court to get child support. I mean obviously right? She was trying to dip into the Versace fund.

But you did spend 100K on the chocolate-loving, sex-tape claim to fame, fam-jam, dash you to the side – Kardashians.

Amber Rose is naked somewhere yelling “I told you so”.

Call it karma. Looking back, Trina was holding you down, but you wanted to follow in daddy’s footsteps.

Moving on.

You are fit now. Congratulations. You’re still a piece of shit.



Ding Ding. That’s the end of round 2.

There are no winners here.

Throwing in the towel...